Authored by Lilith Brodt
Lilith performed with QUIRK-E at the Vancouver Dyke March Festival 2026
On a rainy day in April in the 2000’s, a couple had their first baby boy.
He was an alright kid, didn’t throw too many tantrums but he got stitches at age two and a half.
The scar was his favourite conversation piece for most of his life.
By age seven he realized sports weren’t his thing but kept trying to fit in, somewhere between
putting cookies out for Santa and leaving a tooth under his pillow he realized he was different.
Found something out, tried to suppress it, when that didn’t work, he embraced it. He came out
as gay, and thought it was over. Gay turned feminine turned non binary turned… turned..
something new. Something scary. Something bigger than just his feelings, Something more like
me.
He got pushed to the backseat when I started to bloom, he’s been left behind ever since, except
he’s not really left behind because I can still see him in the rear view mirror, or any mirror for that
matter.
I can still see the leftovers of him in this body, he keeps haunting this house that doesn’t belong
to him anymore, I wish he was just a ghost but his left behind baggage is still in the basement.
But just because I want to repaint the house and replace the furniture doesn’t mean he never
lived here.
He used to think he’d never make it to his sweet sixteen.
I guess he was right.
But I sure as hell did.
I will not sacrifice all the work I’ve put into making this house a home.
This is still an overdue apology to the boy I used to be, because I’m not mad at you.
You may have been to blame when your kite got stuck up in the tree but this is not your fault.
I just want to say I’m sorry for never acknowledging you anymore, but being you was painful.
Come April, when I celebrate my twenty third birthday, I will think of you. I said my final goodbye
to you on that same day, seven years ago.
You will never be forgotten, This scar on my forehead may fade and I may change but I swear. I
will never be angry with you. You helped me get where I am today.
That is why I wrote you this overdue apology to say I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I had to kill you to stay alive.
