So, grief is love unfinished...I’ve heard this proclaimed a few times recently. I think like many quips it leaves a lot out; like regret or anger unfinished. Grief can be onerous baggage. Yet each of us agrees consciously or subconsciously to carry their own during the time required. Longer portage in some cases definitely. Does time heal? In a way, sort of.
Old grief resides in its little compartment and is eventually crusted over by more piled on top and it is distracted from by the ceaseless tides of your own life and the lives of loved ones. I remember when I was four, my mom saying, “death is so final” when she spoke of her mother’s death. I was engaged in her grieving process, observing and absorbing the process. When I think of those long lost, like my mom for 46 years, it isn’t only my loss but that of the whole family. My kids never knew her. Now a grandparent myself I lament the too short time I will have with the now school age and a toddler, grandkids as their lives fill to brimming with their own pursuits. Time is flying and there are no “do overs” if you missed doing something now.
I want all my past griefs and the inevitable new ones to mean something. Adding poignancy and even urgency to make use of the life that is left. Prioritizing all opportunities here in the present to forge as much mutuality as I can. Aging damps down some enthusiasm for the effort but what kind of legacy is better than to be remembered kindly because you were kind and spread good cheer? It is worth trying. Yeah and of course there are the odd times when nice won’t cut it. But I see potential proactive grief mitigation by creating positive moments now will give relief in times of future loss. Remembering the good times adds sugar to the salt of tears. I want to succeed in creating more good times that will sweeten any of the grief I leave behind with as much cooled anger or regret dumped and finished love as I can.
