I have an old leather address book given to me in the 1970s. Of course, with the advancement of technology, contact information is now just a tap away on my phone or laptop and it has been many years since I’ve made new entries in the book. But I love my old address book, it lists relatives, friends, and acquaintances that I knew back in the 70s, 80s and 90s – some are forgotten, some gone, some still in-touch. Paging through the address book is like a journey through my life as a 30- and 40-year-old.
Yesterday I was thumbing through the pages and was saddened to realize how many were no longer here and how many had died of the AIDS epidemic that so ruthlessly struck gay men in the 1980s and 90s. As I turned the pages, I started to list the names from my address book of those that had died of AIDS. During that time, I had a medical practice in New Orleans and had many gay patients and worked one afternoon a week at the HIV clinic at Charity Hospital. If I were to list all those patients that succumbed, the list would fill pages. No. That is too overwhelming. Remembering those in my address book is more than enough.
Lovers, friends, acquaintances all gone. Beautiful men in their prime. Talented men, loving and caring men. Fun men. So many of my generation, gone. Memories are all that is left. My thoughts turn to rage.
Damn Ronald Reagan and his cruel and uncaring refusal to address or even acknowledge the devastation. Damn the press for calling it the gay plague and nobody else’s concern. Damn the Christians that told us that it was sent by god to cleanse the world of our sin. Damn the general public who didn’t care. Damn the pharmaceutical companies that took decades to find treatment. Damn the fear that swept my community. Damn the loss of uninhibited joyful sex. Damn the virus. Damn the monkey and the hunter who ate its infected brain. Damn the survivor’s guilt.
R.I.P.
John A., Kent B., Steve B., Lee B., Bobby B., Kevin B., Wayne C., Donovan C., Harold C., David C., Mike C., Ricky C., Bobby D., Ronnie E., Bob F., Klien G., Charles G., Raymond G., Ray G., Robert H., Klaus J., Jim J., Jeff, Terry J., Keith J., Rob K., Raymond K., Kent, David L., David L.(2), Pierre L., Mike K., George M., Harold Mac., Eric M., Dan O., Jim P., Dan P., Jeff P., Randy P., Rusty., Randie R., Michael S., Don S., Klein S., Tommy S., Terry T., Jarmin T., Garry T., King T., Joseph T., Paul W., John W., ……………………. (53)
You didn’t get to be old, but your memory is safe in my address book.
