Jane’s cat, Lucy, had been quite naughty this year so Jane planned to take her to visit Santa Claus at the Mall in downtown Vancouver, to find out if she deserved a Christmas visit or any presents from the sleigh. Lucy was reluctant at first, no doubt fearing that her dubious antics would be revealed. She was a dashing black and white tuxedo cat with a white patch under her chin and little white feet. To emphasize her concerns, Jane sang to Lucy the famous song, Santa Claus is coming to Town, highlighting the lines, “he’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice” and “he knows if you’ve been bad or good”. When Lucy heard those words, she looked worried, meowed, gave the coffee table a swipe, knocking Jane’s glasses onto the floor, and stomped off.
At the Mall, Lucy was restless in the lineup until they arrived at Santa’s chair. Then she looked at Jane with resignation, braced her little shoulders, and jumped up on Santa’s knee. He said, “Ho, ho, ho. Hello Lucy. And how are you today?”
Lucy said, “Well, that depends. How much do you know?”
Santa said, “Are you aware Lucy, that I keep a list of who’s naughty and nice?”
Lucy responded, “Oh, oh. How flexible is the word naughty?”
Santa said, “Not very, Lucy. You’re either naughty or nice, one or the other.”
“I don’t think I’ve been really naughty, just an average cat. I mean I didn’t try to knock off the vase of flowers or the cup of coffee or Jane’s reading glasses, a few hundred times. “
Santa said, “Why did you knock them down then?”
“I was doing my morning rounds of swiping all the small tables, and they just fell over.”
Santa said, “Ah, so you’re innocent.”
That’s it. I’m innocent. It was just a little swiping. How did I know everything would fall down?”
“Well, now,” Santa asked, “Are there any other problems I should know about?”
“I did jump up on top of the TV tower and knock down the stuffed toys, one by one, with my paw. It was fun. I loved seeing Felix the Cat fly through the air. You understand, don’t you?”
“And how often did you do this, Lucy?”
“Oh, many times. Every day for months.”
“Oh, my, Lucy,” said Santa, “What did Jane think of this?”
“She was upset and told me to stop, but I sort of enjoyed the attention.”
“Lucy, have you ever heard the word ‘incorrigible’?”
“Nope. Does that mean I’m a good cat?”
“Nope. Never mind. Anything else you should tell me about?”
“It’s Jane’s toes, they’re irresistible.”
“What do you mean, Lucy?”
“I sleep at the end of the bed and when she moves her toes I have to attack. I can’t help myself, that movement is irresistible.”
“What does Jane think of that?”
“She yells and tells me to stop that and moves her feet away.”
“I see. A perfectly natural response.”
“I have one more thing to add. I’m a very good mouser and I bring home many mice to feed the family but Jane never seems pleased.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Because when I drop them at her feet on the living room floor they’re still alive and kicking and she has to chase them. It’s good to deliver them fresh.”
“Oh dear,” said Santa. “Now Lucy, before I make my decision, have you anything else to report?
“I guess so. I love ripping up paper, even her library books, when I can get my paws on them. And boxes, I love chewing up cardboard, like the cover of her address book.”
“Lucy, do you think you’re naughty?”
“Now that I’ve listened to myself, I think I might be…Yes, I am a naughty cat.”
“And, Jane, do you think Lucy is a naughty cat?”
“For sure. Sometimes I call her Lucifer. But I still love her,” she said patting Lucy’s head. Lucy purred and rubbed her head against Jane’s hand.
“Ho, ho, ho. Lucy, I can see you are loved. And Jane, that little rascal loves you back,” said Santa. “I hope to hear a better report next year but for this year, I have to say that even naughty cats deserve a little something at Christmas. I’ll be dropping in on Christmas Eve with a few presents. And Lucy don’t drink all the milk and lick the cookies that Jane sets out for me, okay? Merry Christmas to both of you.”
“Right you are,” Lucy said, looking up at Santa, purring happily. Then she rolled her eyes heavenwards. Jane smiled at Lucy, looked heavenwards too and uttered a silent prayer.
