First Crush

When talking about my youth it can often sound like a Charles Dickens novel. As well as the worst of times there were also some best of times. One of those best of times was Jack Osborne.

I had spent eight years going to a village public school where I was constantly bullied, not for being gay. I don’t remember that I even thought there was such a thing. I was bullied for being a farm kid or a bus kid. There really wasn’t a name for us. We were just outsiders.

In grade eight we had a choice of where we went to high school. My teacher assumed because of my grades I would choose the arts program in the village school. When I found out that my main bully, Mickey Hunter was going there I suddenly became very interested in the tech program being offered twenty miles away in Cornwall. My parents didn’t really care but they thought that a trade would serve me better than an arts program.
 
As my first year at Cornwall Collegiate and Vocational School drew to an end I was asked to start my second year in a pilot program. Instead of four years, I was offered a five-year program that was a blend of tech and arts. There was really no one outside school to guide me but I didn’t feel I wanted to be a mechanic or a machinist and this would give me more options. There were twelve students. We were all misfits of one type or another who didn’t quite belong in just one program. This was all quite flattering to me, I suppose. No one at home spent time trying to support my needs.

I do remember a few of my fellow students. Janet was an attractive feminine brunette with doe like brown eyes. Cathy was her mirror opposite, a head of bright red hair, full of freckles and a zeal for basketball. They were both very interesting to me. I could see my dad thinking Cathy would be a great catch as a farm wife. My mom would of course think Janet would be a great catch. Janet was also French like mom but more importantly a Catholic like us. Bert Donkers was a Dutch boy from the farm, solid build and totally focused on his studies, especially the tech part. There were two Jacks. Jack Lauzon was a tall skinny boy with crazy hair who was obsessed with girls and sex.

Then there was the other Jack, Jack Osborn. To say I was mesmerized would be an understatement. When he entered a room, it just seemed like a better place to be. He was stunningly handsome, with a teasing shock of light sandy hair falling over his forehead and almost into a pair of big brown eyes. His dad had been transferred to Cornwall to manage a plant. Jack looked like he came from a well to do family, unlike me. We both were about the same height. My black framed glasses put me in the nerdish geek category. Jack’s similar black framed glasses made him geek sheik. I wore cardigans and polyester slacks forced on me by mom. Jack had colourful shirts and snug cotton slacks with penny loafers. My shoes were thick rubber soled black lace ups. He was the epitome of everything I wanted to be. Even his rich slightly southern accent just added to his perfectness.

Oh, and did I mention he was the quarter back for our football team? Jack was so comfortable with his body. He would walk around the locker room naked, talking and drying his hair. If I have any regrets about those days, it is that my fear of damnation would not allow me to ever look below his chiseled chest. I did allow myself a quick glance at the back half as he retreated back to his locker. Those glances were safely stored in the reservoir of my secret memories. I could not explain the cocktail of fear and excitement that swirled through my body when near this naked perfection.

I think my self-esteem was, at fifteen was the lowest of my entire life. I was uncomfortable growing into manhood. My body was long and gangly, I had a big forehead and an over bite. I wasn’t just a geek; I was a homely geek. Still Jack always took time to talk to me and team up with me on any projects. At that time, we were offered student cards with our photos on them that gave us discounts on year books and different activities. My parents wouldn’t give me money to buy my student card. I was waiting until I could earn some money doing chores for my grandfather. One day Jack asked me if I had gotten a ticket for some game. I said no I didn’t have a student card. He took his out and handed it to me. “Use mine”. I said how could I do that when it had his picture on it. “You are kidding”, he said. “Look at us, we could be twins! They won’t know the difference.”

I reached for the card in slow motion. Jack, the boy who was suave, sophisticated and without a doubt, in my eyes the most handsome boy in our school. This young god thought we looked like twins! Of course, I didn’t believe him but it was the highest compliment I had ever received, and for a short while, I walked with my chin just a bit higher and a stupid grin on my face.