Only the Lonely Know the Way I Feel, Roy Orbison song 1961
It is the mid 1960s in rural Manitoba. I have driven to a secluded spot along the Pipestone Creek, a pretty pastoral spot, to be enjoyed if one is in the mood. It is mid summer and the trees are in their green splendour and the nearby wheat fields are turning golden. There is an opening in the tree-lined creek and the farmer has fashioned a sloping approach so his cattle can drink from the creek’s edge. I am 16 years old. I sit behind the wheel of the family car and Roy Orbison’s song Only the Lonely comes on the radio. And like the lyrics, I’m so lonely I could cry.
I have friends, and I think most would say I am even popular, a good student from a good family. But no one knows my secret and I don’t know anyone I can confide in. No one knows that when I double date, I am more interested in the other boy than either of the girls. I do have a girlfriend but we have never gone past holding hands and a goodnight kiss. I’m thankful that she has never indicated she wants more. I know of only one other couple we hang with that has gone any further. We’re a pretty uptight bunch.
My mind wanders to a boy who hung himself a year ago. He was 15. I think of him a lot. They found him in the family barn and they say he was wearing his sister’s clothes. I wonder if he really was wearing a dress, and if so, what did that mean. Maybe it is just a rumor. No one really talks about it. He was a nice quiet kid and he has a brother and sister still at my school. I really liked him. Maybe I could have talked to him. Maybe he was lonely like me.
There’s a boy in the class ahead of me who is effeminate, a nancy boy as we used to say. He’s nice too, and no one seems to tease or bully him, but maybe that’s because he has a big brother that no one would mess with. But I could never talk to him. I didn’t know the reason back then. I do now. It’s called being homophobic.
Today, I am an out gay elder and I want and feel a responsibility to be an ally and role model for gay youth. I want them to know that they deserve and can have a rich and full life. A life with purpose, opportunities, community, friends, be loved and with the person they love. I want them to cherish and accept their identity, be proud, stand tall and never have to cry alone.
But there are still many confused and lonely boys and girls. For some, it may not be much different from the 60s. Young boys and girls still choose desperate measures and even death.
There is still so much more work to be done. They still play Roy Orbison’s song on the radio, because there’s still an audience.
*The 2024 National Survey (USA) on LGBT+ Youth Mental Health – the Trevor Project (Suicide Prevention for LGBTQ+ Young People) reports:
39% of LGBT+ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the previous year.
More than 1 in 10 (12%) attempted suicide in the previous year.
QMUNITY offers Questioning, Queer and Trans Youth a place to connect.
